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Not the greatest beer festival London has ever seen

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Chutzpah is us

Chutzpah is us

Billed as ‘the greatest beer festival London has ever seen’ you’d never accuse the Craft Beer Co of lacking chutzpah. These guys know how to organise festivals, their Craft100 festivals have featured 100 of the best beers in the country including several rare, special and new releases. In fact it’s been a victim of it’s own success in some ways, the Clapham bar is nowhere near big enough.

So the London Beer Carnival was going to be different. 50 of the best beers from around the world chosen for taste, not marketing considerations (no tittering at the back), unlimited 90ml pours, £50 a ticket, a venue in Waterloo. It had to be done. So imagine my surprise dear reader, when I received an email advising me monies were being refunded. So what went wrong? Who knows? Team Stonch normally have their finger on the pulse but may or may not have missed the mark, though Craft Beer Co’s Martin Hayes left more questions unanswered than answered with his reply.

But never fear, the beer was bought and various events were planned instead. The headline act was ‘Route CBC’ at the Clapham bar featuring the American beers. Now we know rare, strong, artisanal beer does not come cheap but some were £6.50 for a 1/3? In some cases they were not high abv and, according to the check-ins on Untappd, not particularly rare. (I am currently sitting in a Brewdog bar where a De Molen/Fyne 9.5% collab is £4.90 a half and Stone Old Guardian, 11.2% is £4.55 a third). Unlike Craft100 festivals there was no programme, just a menu mentioning name of beer, brewery, abv and price – nothing else. And there was £3 deposit for a glass, why? The bar at the front was operating as normal but also with deposits on glasses.

Some of the beers were great, they were all in good condition, lots of BA goodness. The number of breweries represented curiously low. But hey-ho, there was also the free bus to the Brixton bar where they had the Nordic beers. We cashed in our glasses and headed out front. Sightings of the free bus had been rare (not every 30 mins as per menu), but it did exist. So we had a couple of nice ordinary beers in the front bar – still having to pay a new £3 deposit. Eventually we gave up waiting and took an ordinary bus. Of course we forgot to get our £6 back, it’s so unusual to pay a deposit for a glass when you are sat at a bar for simple half. Halfway to Brixton, sat on the bus I realised this. I could faintly hear the kerching of the CBC accountant’s till and a triumphant ‘gotcha’ ringing in the air.

This was my first time in CBC Brixton, it is small but in a trendy area, the serving area of the bar is particularly small. A nice bar on a normal night, this wasn’t. First impression was a relief to see normal prices, most were under £3 a third. Regrettably the beers were exceptionally normal too, this was a poor showcase for the Nordic lands.

Intrepid is our middle name at Team Intoxicated. We could still make it to Leather Lane in the City for the German and Polish beers. The evening took an upturn with the arrival of a Scotch egg and the militant wing of Bexley CAMRA but otherwise more dreary beer, not even a menu here as far as we could see.

On the Sunday there was an uninspiring list of Irish and Italian beers to coincide with the rugby. Then a week later Covent Garden CBC had some of the Route CBC beers with new additions. The Intoxicated litigation fund being what it is, I will not call them the dregs.

What a letdown. The more so because of the previous great beers at Craft100 festivals. So what went wrong? Staffing issue, low ticket sales, some weird H&S concern? I would suspect that craft beer bubble has reached an optimum size, it hasn’t burst. There are a lot of people who really enjoy a beer festival where they will pay a fiver a pop for half a dozen premium halves (or more). But the thought of sticking up £50 in advance is a different matter, one that appeals to a limited audience – indeed if the beer list was the same as we saw at the events above even I would have felt short changed. And nobody likes ticking a box (or getting a badge) as much as me.

Craft Beer Co competes in the London market with Brewdog, Draft House and Barworks. To my mind, despite being a ‘family firm’, they are the most achingly hip. As a beer salesman they are the most difficult to engage with. Their beer selection is certainly no better than Barworks or Brewdog. The vibe is cooler in Barworks, more laid back in Draft House. Brewdog service and knowledgeability is, I hate to say, the best.

Without doubt though, CBC have the worst toilets. Now, when I was young drinking gallons of cheap session bitter in spit and sawdust pubs this didn’t matter. Now I am in my dotage and drinking premium beer at a premium price I expect a premium sanitary experience as well.

Have CBC got a bit up themselves and not noticed the trends? Is the firm run by accountants, not beer lovers? Did you enjoy the events? Have I got it wrong? It wouldn’t be the first time.

Women, Beer and CAMRA

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dea-latis-website-header_v1Women, beer and CAMRA, which is the odd one out? Looking at all the desperate campaigns and articles in What’s Brewing, looking at the demographic in Bermondsey on a Saturday morning, comparing GBBF and say, Craft Beer Rising, the answer is clearly CAMRA. What got me thinking was an article by Annabel Smith, a founder of Dea Latis in What’s Brewing.

Without presuming to understand what goes on in women’s minds let me give you my observations, gleaned from watching women in pubs, Bermondsey and well, everywhere.

– women are not put off by alcoholic volume, they enjoy say, 250ml of 12% alcohol

– women like nice glassware

– women do not want high liquid volumes

You know what, it sounds an awful lot like what I want too!

Let’s go back in time. Pubs were full of men, lots of them were manual labourers. And what did they want? Fluid replacement and to be able to go to work the next day. 3.5% session bitter? Perfect.

Think about it. Six pints is over three litres, is it really enjoyable to drink that much liquid, whatever the taste? If any men are in denial about drinking six pints in a session by the way, whatever the government says is safe, then it scales down also. It’s generally a lot of liquid for the flavour (notwithstanding some notable weaker beers nowadays, some of them real ales too. Thornbridge Wild Swan, Kernel Table Beer, Otley Tri-O and Moncada Summer Blonde spring to mind.)

Snap. Back to today, it’s now 40 years since wine bars became the sophisticated place to drink. Everyone cares about something local. And America has discovered that Fuggles is not the only hop. Everything about food and drink is going extreme, from coffee beans that have been passed through the intestinal tract of a coypu to beef from cows that have personally massaged every day. Likewise beer.

In the cities where they are, craft beer bars and microbreweries are cool places to drink. City pubs rarely cut it.

In general women have resisted the charm of session bitters, real ale and CAMRA since they began. You can lead a lady to the pub but you can’t force her to drink a pint.

By contrast, the ‘craft beer’ scene has everything to attract both sexes equally, as it should be. The most amazing range of flavours, strengths, complexities, styles and glassware. Nobody is hung up about whether a flavourless, odourless gas is added to the beer or not.

One of the reasons why I love the ‘craft beer’ scene is the great generational and sexual equality in it. I don’t want to look at a bunch of old gits in sandals at a CAMRA festival, I’ve got a mirror for that.

So, of course women like beer, who wouldn’t? CAMRA need to be more inclusive of other beers, then they will be more inclusive of women.

Born to die?

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brewdog-logo1Probably not, the ultra-slick commercial juggernaut that is BrewDog will continue to make more and more money. Oh sorry, you mean its latest marketing gimmick, I mean beer, Born To Die.

Look, we all know fresh beer is best, right? Especially if it is hoppy beer, like say Punk IPA, oh, no, maybe I’m wrong, that has one year best before on it. Born To Die, the new release from BrewDog has a short shelf life, it will be withdrawn from the shelves on a certain date.

Silly or yet another clever marketing ploy? I fear the latter, BrewDog know their market so well, and have so many shareholders, I mean punks, that they can brew just the right amount of this beer to nearly satisfy demand but as someone once said, ‘leave them wanting more’.

We have a lot to be grateful for. BrewDog really did help kick off the craft beer revolution in the UK. The marketing was designed to annoy some people and thus endear them to their target demographic. Right from the start, they knew their market and how to reach it effectively. Incidentally they brew great full flavoured beers to back it up.

The bars are pretty good and don’t only serve BrewDog beer though there is naturally a preference for those breweries they have invested in. The table service is a nice feature. My only gripe is that the only logo anywhere is BrewDog, no other brewery is promoted. Imagine the outcry if Carling monopolised the advertising in a pub in this way.

It’s all very slick, subliminal, highly commercial and certainly to date, successful marketing which, it could be argued, the beers don’t need. They are strong enough to stand on their own, certainly in the craft market. However I guess they want to have as many keg lines as Guinness and be a mass market beer, even more so than they are now.

Whatever your thoughts, it is certainly ludicrous to say you have only 30 days to drink Born To Die but your bottle of Punk is fine after 350 days. Bad BrewDog.

Mild, what is it good for?

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Thanks to JW in the April edition of What’s Brewing, this has been a hobby horse of mine for some time.

Notwithstanding the important part mild has played in our beer history and the millions whose thirst it has slaked over the years I think it is time to move on. Mild seems to have been on the verge of extinction for several decades now with campaigns regularly held to save it.

banksI well remember the decent beer desert that was the West Midlands in the 90’s. Banks’ Mild was extremely popular there but coming from the south I was severely disappointed. It was a style not often seen down south and I saw the reason why 😉

May is now fixed as ‘Mild Month’ by CAMRA, we are urged to get publicans to stock a mild and to try some milds. In my experience pubs stock beers they can sell and if they don’t regularly have a mild on then there is probably a good reason for it. Incidentally the list originally posted (currently down at time of writing) had only one mild in London listed, Clarkshaw’s in case you are interested.

It obliges me to point out, that among others in London, Hop Stuff Brewery has recentlyHSB Amarillo mild released an Amarillo Mild. Much though I love this brewery (being an investor also) and liked the sound of it the result is just a nicely made, unremarkable beer, not enough orangey Amarillo character for me. Perhaps I am missing the point of Mild? It’s happened before.

I like the idea of boosting the flavour with Amarillo of vanilla (East London Brewing in case you are wondering) but results consistently underwhelm.

As you can tell I am not a fan of mild, even more inventive modern ones. Tastes evolve, styles come in and out fashion, it’s normal. I believe beer drinkers have voted with their bellies. There will always be a place for mild but let’s stop flogging a dead horse and celebrate new beers instead.

CAMRA – Whither or Wither

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camraCAMRA have been troubling me for some time. I know there will always be the hardliners who believe that the term real ale is enshrined in stone and should never change but what worried me more was the article in What’s Brewing January by Steve Bury, one of CAMRA’s top 40 campaigners.

Entitled ‘Is Campaign starting to lose its way?’ he fears that CAMRA is starting to send out mixed messages about craft beer. For Steve the word artisan conjures up a picture of a poor French tradesman. Leaving aside the rampant stereotyping, no Steve, an artisan is a skilled tradesman not a mass production factory worker – and exactly who I want to brew my beer.

If my tipple of choice is ‘craft beer’ then perhaps I should be considering whether to be a member of CAMRA at all, I am Steve, I am. The Cyclops system which helps bar staff describe beers is another evil because it includes beers that are not real ale. Perhaps a simpler system would be just to put ‘good beer’ on the handpumps and ‘bad beer’ on the keg lines.

Where we agree is that the lines are blurring. Where we disagree is whether this is a good or bad thing. The definition of real ale is a millstone around CAMRA’s neck completely ignoring the taste of the beer and the care with which it has been made.

Let me take you back…when the founding fathers sat down what was their aim? Was it to prescribe the only method for brewing (ignoring that of the rest of the world) or was it to try to promote good, well made beer? Remember, back then there was no good keg beer and small brewers were predominantly cask ale. The definition of real ale was a neat way to define the good beer, simple as.

And so it remained for another twenty years or so when new brewers, often Americans(!), decided that they could make beer just as well for keg dispense with the added bonuses of consistency and shelf life. And boy, did they add flavour along with the CO2.

I have always liked or disliked beer according to flavour, and yes, carbonation can be too high, just like real ale can be too flat. If I am taking a bottle of beer home with me I don’t want to have to interrogate the vendor as to production method, I want to judge on taste. Surely the founding fathers wouldn’t disagree with that?

Personally I want to support the small, artisanal producer over the big brewer – though I do respect what some of them do. Surely the founding fathers wouldn’t disagree with that?

As Steve Bury suggested, I have been seriously considering resigning from CAMRA on principle. I want to be part of an inclusive group that promotes small over big, flavour over blandness, moves with the times and attracts a demographic I can associate with.

At the risk of rampant stereotyping, ten years ago, aspirational young women were drinking a glass of chardonnay (nothing wrong with that btw), now they are down the Bermondsey beer mile drinking a half of 6% modern IPA from nice glassware and talking to the producer. They are not drinking a pint of 4% session bitter in an old pub and choosing between a windows or sleeve glass. The demographic at CAMRA beer festivals, however interesting and good the beer, is plain depressing.

Wake up CAMRA and smell the new hops!

What’s Brewing, October 2014 – Agony Column

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October1I do my best to help the troubled writers to What’s Brewing. But first, let’s be serious for a moment.

To quote from Pete Brown on the front page, “…a growing understanding of real ale as a crafted product…” – so we are only a short step away from saying that real ale is craft beer. Then CAMRA can say that craft beer is a good thing taken with a pickled curate’s egg of course? The sensible side of CAMRA is slowly finding it’s voice. Perhaps it realises that embracing some the beers that currently don’t conform it will gain more new converts than it will lose old diehards.

Now, the letters,

BY of Rochester doesn’t own a computer and blames the fact that he is of an elder age group. Sorry. No. You have had 20 years to come to terms with computers. Being of pensionable age means you get free courses and there is always the public library. For all but an impoverished few not using computer technology is a lifestyle choice. Lower processing costs make discounts for online ordering a sensible choice.

SB of Radlett is horrified that the Cyclops scheme is supporting lagers. It is clearly discredited and “will only cause confusion about what CAMRA stands for”. Heaven forbid that CAMRA stands for good beer or lager for that matter.

GB of Milford is disappointed that microbreweries keep changing their offering. So that’s an all year saison, a heavy with the barbie and a golden ale on a freezing winters day then. I guess he buys his asparagus from Peru all year round too.

And finally, a really excellent star letter, from MH of Axminster complaining about pubs being converted into crèches, now that’s a campaign I can support.